Solace
by ReflectionsOfJess
Summary: Alicia finds solace after her attack.


_**So I wrote this story a while back but never actually published it, but after last night's episode I felt compelled to. I loved the scenes with Bea and Connie supporting Alicia and this is based on Connie supporting Alicia. Please let me know what you think!**_

Alicia ran, she didn't know here she was going, she didn't know what direction she was going in, she just went wherever her feet were taking her, as fast as she could. Still, somehow even left to their own devices they'd led her somewhere she felt safe and secure, even if she did feel permanently tainted by him. She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she entered the car park to the emergency department, she wanted to have the courage to go in she really did, but she looked a complete state, and she didn't want questions asked.

So she shuffled off out of range of the flood lights, ending up behind what she assumed from a quick glance was Mrs Beauchamp's car, sliding down it's side and wrapping her arms around her knees. The thin jacket she'd thrown on before running out the house did very little to protect her from the bitter cold, and the occasional sirens and shouts all made her flinch, but she still felt safer there on the ground than she would in her own house... With him.

She stared at her distorted reflection in the car beside her clinical leads, taking in her dull features, her swollen eyes, her wrecked hair. She couldn't really tell but she assumed by now her lips were starting to turn blue, and her hands had gone numb around 10 minutes ago. She was completely immersed in her own pain and a barrage of memories that she didn't even hear the distinctive clicking of her bosses heals until they were right beside her.

"What are you- Oh! Dr Munroe, what on Earth are you doing?" She asked recognizing the young doctor immediately. Alicia was a sight to behold, her face was void of it's usual subtle make-up, and it's smile. She looked in a daze, far far away from this car park. The rain had completely soaked her through and Connie could see her shaking violently. Alicia alarmed by the sudden movement and sound beside her didn't have time to process what was going on before she shuffled backwards. Quickly scuttering as far away from the towering figure as she could get.  
"No! Get away from me!" She demanded, though her voice was quivering due to the constant shaking of her body.  
"Alicia, honestly you're making yourself ill down there. Your lips are turning blue, come on-" She knelt down and put her hand on the younger doctor's arm in an attempt to pull her up off the ground, but Alicia immediately hit out at her hands and all but screamed as she went to shuffle even further back. Connie reached out and gently grabbed her wrist before she could get to far away. She regretted having to scare the junior doctor and to touch her when she clearly didn't want to be, but she was close to being right in the path of the ambulances that would come into the ED.

"No! Get of me!" She screeched trying to pry Connie's hand off of her.  
"Alicia I'm sorry, I know you don't want to be touched. Can you just shuffle a little this way and I'll let go?" Connie asked her looking her in the eye, in the hope that Alicia would register who she was and calm down. Alicia swallowed frantically looking around as though looking for an escape route before Connie interrupted her before she had the chance to run.  
"Alicia Alicia sweetheart. Do you know who I am?" Connie asked and while Alicia stopped trying to yank her arm out of Connie's grasp, she seemingly hadn't registered who it was that had a hold of her wrist.  
"Alicia, you need to look at me. It's me, Connie, you're safe, okay? You're not trapped, I just need you to move away from there. Why don't you come and sit in the car hmm? Would that not be more comfortable?" Connie tried to persuade her to move up of the ground. Alicia's cries quietened a bit, and Connie through her years of ED experience could see she was calming down. However, when she delicately placed her other hand on Alicia's shoulder in an attempt to her her to stand up, Alicia slapped her hand away and pushed her screaming. Connie stumbled sightly but stayed up on her feet, she stared now very concerned about her young doctor, this was so out of character. Alicia wasn't violent, and Connie knew the young woman would never want to cause anyone physical harm. Granted pushing someone away wasn't particularly painful, but it still wasn't something Alicia would do if she were in her normal state of mind.

"Alicia, it's okay," Connie whispered and she finally seemed to be thrown from her trance. She looked at her boss in horror, eyes wide and her lips parted as she quickly tried to get up from the concrete. She leaned against the car for support, unsteadily trying to get to her feet before Connie offered her her hand and supported her up.  
"I-I'm sorry! I d-didn't mean to-to push you like that I just... I panicked" Alicia sobbed but Connie shook her head.  
"It's alright Alicia, I shouldn't have touched you." Connie comforted.  
"But I could've hurt you... I," Alicia started before Connie interrupted.  
"You didn't hurt me though Alicia, it's alright. Come on, let's get you in the car, it's freezing out here." Connie managed to held Alicia around to the other side of the car into the passenger seat, before quickly walking back around and sitting in the driver's seat not wanting to leave Alicia along for too long.

Once she got into the car and turned the dim light on she noticed Alicia's split lip, and wondered if it would actually be best to get her back out and into the ED, for a proper examination.  
"Alicia, can you tell me what happened?" Connie questioned her kindly. But Alicia tensed at her words and just shook her head looking down. Connie watched her sympathetically biting her lip, as she tried to decide what to do. She didn't want to leave Alicia on her own, it was clear she wasn't in a healthy state of mind, and she didn't even think Alicia would be able to guide her to her new house anyway. Their was no chance of her being able to convince her to go into the ED to be checked over, it had taken long enough to get her to stand up. And with Grace no longer staying with her, her house seemed as good an option as any.

* * *

"You're still soaking wet, wait here I'll go and get you something clean to wear." Connie said as she lead Alicia through her house into the living room, careful to put to much pressure on the hand on her back guiding her to the settee. Alicia nodded sitting taut on the edge of the luxurious sofa anxiously looking around the room. Connie's house was as she'd imagine it would be, void of many homely sentiments other than the photos of Grace dotted around the room, but decorated well with high end furniture.  
"Here, these should just about fit you." Connie walked back into the room and handed her some black leggings and a vest top, making sure she didn't move to fast and that Alicia heard her footsteps approach the room, so as not to startle her.  
"You can go up to bathroom to change, it's up the stairs and to your left." She added.  
"Thanks," Alicia nodded briskly making her way out of the room.

Alicia stood in the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror, she could see now why Connie was concerned. Her bottom lip was split and still tinged blue and her face was red and blotchy, and now with the vest top on she could see faint bruising starting to form on her shoulders. She stared blankly at them, taking in the evidence of her horrific night that was obvious against her pale skin. She turned on the cold water tap and splashed the freezing water on to her face in attempt to get the swelling around her eyes to die down. It was still obvious that she had been sobbing for hours though, her lips were still an odd colour, and even someone who had never met her would be able to tell something was wrong.

Eventually though she realized she needed to go back downstairs and to her waiting boss, she slowly made her way down the stairs, having to ignore the pain with every step. Connie was in a uncharacteristically maternal way waiting for her in the living room and wrapped a thick fur blanket around her as soon as she walked in, noting the bruises that marred her skin but not commenting on them. Alicia quietly thanked her and pulled the blanket tighter around herself trying to get rid of the permanent coldness she felt.

"I'm just going to go and pour us some tea, sit in front of the fire and try and warm up. You'll get pneumonia if we don't get you're temperature up soon."  
"M'kay." Alicia agreed traipsing over to the fire and sitting down in front if it, thankful for the heat it provided. Connie walked back in a few minutes later carrying two mugs of tea, placing them both on the oak coffee table a few feet away from the fire place. She stood and stared at the her young doctor with sympathy unsure how to tackle the situation. It was obvious what had happened to her, but Alicia looked so fragile and distressed, she didn't think she couldn't openly bring it up.  
"Let's just wait till you warm you up and then we can have a little chat," Connie spoke gently but the words still seemed to be more of a command than a suggestion.  
"Okay," Alicia agreed though she had no intention to have a 'little chat.' After a few moments when Connie could see Alicia had stopped shivering and her skin had returned back to a shade closer to it's normal colour, she knelt down so she was sat opposite Alicia on the floor and handed her her mug of tea. Alicia thanked her and held it shakily in both her hands.

"So do you want to tell me what happened?" Connie finally asked unable to avoid the inevitable question anymore.  
"It's nothing, not really..." Alicia trailed off looking down at the tea, which was beginning to splash up either side of the cup as she began to shake again.  
"Well it clearly is," Connie pointed out, but again Alicia shook her head.  
"What are those bruises then, hmm?" Connie asked signaling to her own shoulders to show what she meant. "And the split lip." She added.  
"It really doesn't matter." Alicia insisted not moving her eyes from the cup of tea.  
"Then you won't mind if I check your over, would you?" Connie asked worried about what other injuries she was covering.  
"I'm fine,"  
"Then it shouldn't take too long, should it?"  
"Mrs Beauchamp, I'm fine. Really."  
"But you're not are you?" Connie commented but got no response, so switched to a different line of questioning.

"Why the ED?" She asked  
"What?" Alicia asked finally looking up at her.  
"Why did you feed safer in a dark A&E department car park than in your own house?" She asked having figured out what had happened by this point. Alicia looked down, she couldn't lie her way out of the question, but she didn't want to talk about it.  
"That's where it happened isn't it?" Connie realized, speaking gently too her obviously traumatized young doctor.  
"Nothing. Happened." Alicia insisted but Connie noticed her breathing start to become uneven. Alicia felt her throat tighten as her breaths came in short gasps and she felt her chest tighten. Connie realized she was pushing too far and backtracked,  
"Okay, okay, calm down, it's alright." Connie took the cup of tea from her worried that she was going to spill the hot tea all over her legs.

"Breathe with me," Connie coached her as she tried to get her to regulate her breathing, taking deep breaths in and out, in sync with the younger doctor.  
"Alright, there you go." Connie smiled as her breathing went back to it's normal pace. She sensed she wasn't going to get any information from her tonight and so changed the topic in an attempt to calm her offering her her cup of tea again, before leading her up to her spare room. She hoped that a night's sleep would leave her in a clear enough state of mind that she'd be able to talk to her in the morning. But by the time she woke up the next morning Alicia had left leaving behind a note saying thank you for the help and apologizing for the 'inconvenience.'

* * *

"Alicia, I didn't think you'd be back so soon." Connie seemed shocked as Alicia appeared in the doorway to her office. She had called Alicia the morning she'd left her hose and told her to take as much time as she needed. She hadn't thought Alicia would take her up on the offer, but perhaps as testament to her state of mind she agreed and Connie hadn't seen her in nearly 2 weeks. She'd received the occasional message when she text to make sure she was okay, but nothing else.  
"Yeh well... Are you busy?" Alicia asked, not moving from where she stood at the door.  
"I was just about to start the 4th file of reports for the day so you're more than welcome to interrupt." Connie joked knowing Alicia needed to feel comfortable in order to talk about what had happened.  
"You sure cause I could come back later..."  
"Alicia, it's perfectly fine; come inside." Alicia nervously looked behind her before she willed her limbs to move and hesitantly walked in to the office, quietly closing the door behind her and making her way to the chair. Connie watched her with bated breath, silently hoping that maybe today would be the day that Alicia would finally feel able to talk to her and unburden herself from her secret.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" She asked Alicia as she made her way across the room closing the blinds, anticipating an emotional conversation before making her way back over to her desk and sitting on the edge in front of the young doctor. Alicia looked up at her clinical lead; after years working under her Connie still intimidated her, especially now. Yet she somehow knew that Connie would help her. The way she'd helped her that night, she'd known something was wrong. She'd taken her to her house rather than forcing her into the hospital or taking her back to her own house which still suffocated her in her own memories. She'd been patient with her, she'd known what had happened even if Alicia didn't tell her, and she hadn't pressured her into any decisions.  
"I...wanted to talk about- I - about that night you found me..." she stammered as Connie looked over at her knowingly. Alicia looked up into her sympathetic eyes and suddenly, her own were overcome with tears and she began sobbing; her petite body shaking. Connie put her arm around her shoulders to comfort her and took a deep breath, knowing where this was about to lead, having waited for what felt like months for her young doctor to be ready to open up to her. She'd known all along that she had been raped, she'd been a doctor long enough to recognize the signs, but there was nothing she could do to help her until she let her in and it had been killing her these last few weeks to just sit and wait for her to show up, to lie to her other staff about where she was, to not to over to her house every day to check she was alright. Right now, she could see that Alicia was at the end of her rope and barely hanging on to the end of it and she knew that if she had any chance of coaxing the truth out of her, now would be the only time.

"I'm listening" she promised. Her tone was soft, comforting, worlds away from how cold she normally was.  
"Please don't judge me." Alicia begged, her face wet with tears.  
"I won't judge you, you know that, don't you?" She nodded. Of course she did. But it still didn't stop her head from telling her that Connie would think that she was an idiot for allowing herself to get into such a predicament. She would never let herself be put in that situation, she was stronger, better than that, better than her. This is it, she thought as she wiped her eyes and readied herself for what she was about to do. She took a deep breath, and with her head hung, and her body trembling as she licked the tears from her lips, she confessed her dark shame with a timid, quaking voice.  
"I was raped..."

 ** _I hadn't planned on making any more chapters but if enough people want more I might write more, so please let me know what you think :)_**


End file.
